Many times since my husband and I have been married I have heard comments from friends that I seem contented or happy. They are attributing my happiness to my marriage. I am not saying that my marriage doesn’t make me happy; because being in a loving relationship with a person who shows respect and honors you, does make life easier. The point that I’m trying to make is that I went into our relationship happy and contented. I went into our marriage a whole person. I wasn’t looking for someone to complete me… I already had that.
Most of the people who make these comments knew me when I was going through some very difficult times. They knew me when I was in one of the worst relationships of my life. But I’m not writing to talk about that period of time except to say, if I had been in a place where I should have been, I probably would have never been involved with that person, nor would I have married them. You see, when we are fully committed to God, when we are betrothed to Jesus as our Savior, we are complete. We don’t get into such precarious situations that lead us into miserable relationships. I know that I wasn’t fully committed to God before my last marriage. I also know that there were red flags that I chose to ignore. Unfortunately, it took almost eight years to get out and I wasn’t the one that ended it. I was seeking God’s guidance and they ended it, but it was best for me. It didn’t feel like it at that time in some ways and it felt like a relief in other ways.
Over the course of the three years following that time, I grew in my relationship with God and I knew that I would be fine if I never married again. I wasn’t looking for someone to fill a void, because there wasn’t a void to fill. God had filled it. I had become complete in Christ. Yes, I had been a Christian most of my life, but I had never fully surrendered my life to Christ. Earlier in my Christian life, I was not in a relationship with God that was so intimate that I was certain when God spoke to me without second guessing whether I had heard from him. Many times there were doubts. But during those three years and since, I have become so close to him that I get an idea and realize it isn’t my idea, but it is an idea that my Heavenly Father has given me. You know the verse that says “He will give you the desires of your heart?” (Psalm 37:4) Well, the desires of my heart are his desires, the two have become so interlaced that my ideas are his. That is how it should be… We should be so caught up in what our Heavenly Father wants that we see with his vision and we hear with his ears. We should be able to love with his love. Everywhere we go and everything we do, we should do with the Father’s heart, so that our hearts beat as one. This is when we are fully complete. Do I do this all the time? Certainly not! Just ask my husband. But I do it now more than ever before. Sometimes I am brought to tears by what I see in stores and on the street. People who need love, people who do things to get attention, or people who are so poor either physically, emotionally, or spiritually, pull at me and at times brings me to tears. I was never that way before. Many times I’m drawn to do things for people or at least to engage in conversation with them and I pray for people that I never had the boldness to pray for before.
People who have met me more recently, have asked me to pray for them to “find a mate” who is sold out to God. They say I seem so happy and they have been looking for a while and they thought I must have some luck or power. ?!? Usually, these are “Christian” women, sometimes men ask also, though! This was a request that shocked me! I told them that I wouldn’t pray that for them, and they didn’t like what I said. Yet, if these people themselves were “sold out to God” wouldn’t they know God’s will for their lives? Wouldn’t they recognize his path for them? Why would they “need” a mate to complete them? I asked them how much time they spent with God, how much time they spent reading their Bible, and if God was first in their lives. I received various answers to those questions. I told them they had to be completely sold out to God and completely his before I would pray for them to have a mate. I told them I, myself, had given up on marriage before I met my husband vowing never to marry again at first and then I had told God that IF I was to marry again that he was going to have to show me. I was happy just having God as the “man” in my life. Well, obviously, God had another plan. What I am saying, is that we cannot go into a relationship expecting the other person to make us happy or to complete us. Only God can do that. We have to be fully committed to God. We have to find ourselves complete in Him. If we go into a relationship unhappy or incomplete, we will only take that unhappiness or incompleteness with us and we will not be any happier or whole in a marriage. Our partner cannot provide our happiness or wholeness, they can only supplement what we already have. God must be our first love, even after we marry, or maybe I should say, especially after we marry. But all kidding aside, to be fully committed and whole in any relationship, we must be fully committed to and complete in God first.
Now you’re probably wondering how you fully commit to God. Well, just as you would in any relationship, you spend time with him. You have to get to know him intimately. This starts by reading the Word daily. As you read the Bible, ask God to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal the meaning of the scripture to you, he has promised to do that for us in his Word: 1 Corinthians 2:10-12 As you grow in the Word, the path that God has for you will become clearer and you will begin to know what direction he has for you. I expect your compassion to grow and your focus to become more peripheral, instead of self-centered. When you look in the mirror, your visage will change, you will start to see the Christ in you, because the more Christlike you become, the less of yourself you’ll see. I challenge you to read your Bible every day but start by asking him to reveal at least one truth to you each day. After reading daily for a month, see if you start to feel less empty and more complete. At the end of that month, continue reading daily. I hope during these readings that you are also talking to God. Find a quiet place if you can and talk to him, just as you would talk to anyone. This is a time just to communicate with him and also to Thank him for all that he has done in your life. Start with the small things. If you tend to be a pessimist, start by thanking him with the fact that you’re alive. You have to start somewhere. 😉 Ask questions about things you don’t understand. You may not get the answer right then, but you will get an answer, maybe through another person or a minister. Also, find a good church, ask God about that too. We need fellowship and the strength of other believers. This is your road to becoming complete, and everyone’s journey is different, don’t compare it to anyone else’s. The map that has been charted for you will not look anything like your friend’s, neighbor’s or anyone else’s in your family, so don’t expect to move at the same pace or on the same path as others. Just trust God that he is taking you down the right path for you.
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Proverb 3:5-6 (The Message)
May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Ephesians 3:19 (NLT – my emphasis)
Prayer: Father, today I pray for anyone who reads this; if there is a void in their life, if there is anything lacking I pray that you would fill it. In Jesus’ name. Amen