Tag: respect

Investing Time and Honor

As I recently painted the Christmas story, I thought how the wise men heard of Jesus’ birth and desired to seek him out and honor him with gifts. Then they not only honored him, they protected him from Herod, by not telling Herod where he was, because they realized Herod wanted to harm him. They knew Jesus was to be honored. Even though I feel there were more than three wise men, I depicted three of them bearing the gifts of worth, which were gold, frankincense, and myrrh. These were lavish gifts bestowed upon a king of all ages. I want to focus on the fact that they put great effort and traveled many miles to witness that this ruler had been born. They invested time as well as luxurious gifts. They saw that a child had been born that wouldn’t be a typical man, he had a purpose to fulfill. His purpose was far above any purpose you or I have and he drew crowds everywhere he went as he grew older.

But in that same vein, how often do we overlook others in this world that we come in contact with each day and ignore their purpose in life? How many times do we wish we didn’t have to deal with lines in the stores or the person we have to call to arrange some event, reservation, or to buy something? How much time do we give others? Sometimes a simple sentence of encouragement is all a person needs to hang onto to make it through the day. Sadly, a negative phrase or sentence can have the reverse and harsher effects. Or perhaps there’s a family member who we don’t accept? But that person or those people also have a purpose in life, just like Jesus did, and just like we do. It isn’t just to service our needs or be a thorn in our side, God put them on this earth with a destiny. Are we helping them fulfill their destiny by honoring them as an individual? What gifts do we bring to them? I’m not talking physical gifts, I’m speaking of charitable gifts. The gifts we freely give to our friends. It’s easy to engage with our friends, to offer kindness, to fix a cool drink for them or offer food they like. It’s easy to converse, because we have things in common, but what about people we don’t know or haven’t taken the time to become acquainted? Do we leave them with words of encouragement? Or do we leave them wishing they’d never been born? Do we treat them with honor or impatience? We can make or break others. Words can uplift or they can destroy.

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

What about our family? Are we esteeming them or do we bring them words of derision? Do we act happy to see family members we haven’t seen in a while, or do we act like they’re a burden? Is it their character flaw that we see, or is it our own shortcoming that gets brought out when we’re around them and makes us feel exposed? I’ve been around people like this and I had to reassess myself and make adjustments in my own attitude because there was nothing wrong with them, it was their shining example that shone on my lousy attitude. Once I corrected, things were so much better. I was able to see that my outlook was the culprit in the relationship and they’d done nothing wrong. I was just offended that they had exposed my weakness.

Another weakness some of us have is in giving and receiving. When and if we buy gifts for family birthdays or for Christmas; do we purchase the first thing we see, or do we put thought behind it and buy things to honor the recipient? Because a gift given without love, is a gift without life. It would be better to offer love, and be empty-handed than to offer a gift given without love. It’s equally bad to give a gift only in recompense for a gift they’ve given. People know when gifts are sincere and when they are not. They also know when strings are attached, neither are correct. We should give expecting nothing in return and we should give from the heart, not out of duty! When we rush out at the last minute to compensate for another person’s gift, it isn’t heartfelt. I personally would rather leave empty handed and be genuinely thanked for a gift I’ve given than to be given a gift that I don’t need or won’t use, because there was no forethought by the giver.

Can you imagine the wise men buying things along the way or in a rush for Jesus? Or can you imagine them coming back to remind him one day about the gifts they gave and asking him for a favor or some compensation? Yet how many times do people do this? No, their gifts were given from a pure heart, with respect and honor. They were offering and worshipping a baby who had never given anything to them, but they knew the relationship they invested in would give them great rewards. Think about that for a minute… the wise men were investing. How many of us invest these days? Whether it be time, love, kindness, sincerity, or honesty; what do we truly and freely give?

We only get out of a relationship what we put into it. If we dismiss a person as insignificant then they will be insignificant in our lives. But if we see them as valuable and worthy, they become valuable and worthy, even if only to us. You only get what you expect, nothing less. And sometimes it has nothing to do with the other person and more to do with our perception and acceptance of them. Jesus can only be Savior to those who accept him as Savior. But the clerk at our local grocer or our family member will never be cherished if we don’t value them. Let’s try to at least offer kindness, acceptance, honor, and humility to those we come in contact with each day. And in this season of giving, with family members around, let’s go out of our way with them by putting their needs above ours. Give gifts of love, honor, and respect. Show them they’re of value and have a purpose. If we are following the Holy Spirit, this should come easy by evaluating them through Christ. He didn’t hold any sins against them and neither should we.

2 Corinthians 5:16-20 So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”

How do You Define Family?

Family is a unit of people who support each other. God created family for relationship with himself and with each other. Family synonyms: inheritance, relationship, people. Family is a group of people affiliated either by birth, by marriage, or by sharing, nurturing, accepting, and respecting each other. There are clear guidelines to what God doesn’t want in a family and what he does. Starting with the positive verses first and then the behaviors we should avoid. If we follow what God intended, it would encompass those who work together as one unit. By God’s definition, as a church or family, we are one body and in marriage, we become one person. The Bible tells us we each have a role to play:

The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body [family] of Christ. Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit… Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 12:12-13 & 13:4-7

“‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one* flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mark 10:7-9

family

We are also told there are things that God detests in any family:

There are six things the Lord hates—no, seven things he detests:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that kill the innocent,
a heart that plots evil,
feet that race to do wrong,
a false witness who pours out lies,
a person who sows discord in a family. Proverbs 6:16-19

But to focus on individual families, such as parents, whose kids grow up and marry, eventually having kids of their own, then become grandparents… Where does God tell us to stand in this role? We’ve raised them the best we could, now it’s their turn. Do we continue to give advice? ‘No, not unless they ask, and then as led by the Holy Spirit. IF we put in our two cents, we must remember that it is only two cents, compared to their 98 cents – meaning they must make their own decisions!” We need to greet their decisions with open minds, not interference. The only exception would be, if they’re in a dangerous situation. Other than that, we should be hands off! We should embrace their spouse and make them feel comfortable and part of ‘the family’ — never an outsider. I call my children’s spouses ‘in-loves’ because their relationship goes deeper than a law or sheet of paper they signed. It is a commitment they’ve made; with God. This is where the peeling away of resistance comes into play. We must accept their decision, even if and when we don’t agree. Fortunately, I agree with my kid’s decisions in mates.

God spoke in the Old Testament of being circumcised to be part of his family. Under the New Testament or Grace, this would be circumcision of the heart, the peeling away of the layers of our heart that have hardened to anyone we didn’t choose for our kids; being open to those outside the family, by accepting them for who they are, not who we want them to be. Families accept not just their blood family, but also their children’s spouses. They don’t interfere by trying to influence their children against their partners by pointing out perceived flaws. 

For you are not a true Jew just because you were born of Jewish parents or because you have gone through the ceremony of circumcision. No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by the Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people. Romans 2:28-29 & Ephesians 2:11

As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. Someone told Jesus, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, and they want to speak to you.” Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!” Matthew 12:46-50

In the second verse, Jesus turned the verse around to those questioning him and said anyone who did the will of God is his family. Therefore by his view, there wasn’t anyone outside his family unless they didn’t follow God. So, how do we view “outsiders” in our family? Do we view them as those who follow God as being in our family or are they outsiders if they aren’t born into our family? Do we accept others or view them as foreigners? If they have children from a previous marriage, are their children truly part of the family or do we label them as ‘the former spouse’s kids?’ Do we treat them equally as our grandkids or do we give the “natural” grandkids preferential treatment? It doesn’t matter how they came into the family, and neither should the current spouse of our children, they should be embraced and accepted, just as we accept our OWN children, without preferential treatment and without prejudice.

Are we willing to accept our children’s decisions in choosing a spouse? Or do we think we know better than they; who is suited for them? If we don’t accept them, isn’t that a reflection on what we view as important? If we’re opposed to their decisions, perhaps our children have chosen someone diametrically opposed to our views and it’s alien to our thinking. Maybe our kids are tired of how we act and want to find someone with a different attitude. Perhaps it’s time to search our own souls instead of trying to find something wrong with their mate or find fault with our own children. Our opposition may require a little personal soul searching instead of attacks on their selection. Perhaps we should just embrace their decisions and keep peace in the family, instead of making their marriage difficult. 

How are we contributing to our own family? How are we contributing to our church family or the community family? Are we making a positive influence in each situation, or do we feel that if we make a positive influence at church, we don’t need to at home? The family influence starts in our homes. If we aren’t making a positive influence in our own home family, we aren’t effective at church family or in our own community. Have you met people who complain about their role at home, or all the volunteer work they do at church? It gets wearisome just listening to them. Jesus said take my yoke upon you, cease from our labors, and allow the Holy Spirit to work through us, at home, in church, and in the community. We need to submit to the leadership of God through Christ via the Holy Spirit. But the best way we can help our grown children is by staying out of their lives and accepting them. It is by not interfering. It is by setting good examples. The only example they or we should be following is the example of Christ. The only inheritance that matters is our inheritance of eternal life. When that is our focus and not what worldly goods we leave when we’re gone, or who we give preference to, then we’ll have peace in our families. But we must allow the Holy Spirit to guide us in our daily lives, each hour.

God has now revealed to us his mysterious will regarding Christ—which is to fulfill his own good plan. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth. Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan. God’s purpose was that we Jews who were the first to trust in Christ would bring praise and glory to God. And now you Gentiles have also heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people [family]. He did this so we would praise and glorify him. Ephesians 1:9-14

We were chosen by God–the entire family of God, which is those who follow Him.

 

*Note: My emphasis in Mark 10

This is Not the America I Grew Up In

A few years ago, I had a person ask me if this was the America I remembered growing up in. At first I had given him a short response, saying yes, it hasn’t changed much. But shortly after, I realized it has changed and I revised my answer to him. Today, I’m revising that answer again, just seven short years later. I remembered his question this week and I’ve tried to pinpoint what happened to the land that I love? Today, I realize how drastically our nation has changed! First I want to share some definitions of the word ‘freedom.’

Freedom:

  • Exemption from external control, interference, or regulation.
  • Personal liberty, as opposed to bondage or slavery.
  • An absence of undue restrictions and an opportunity to exercise one’s rights.
  • Political or national independence.
  • The state of being free or at liberty.

Just looking at these definitions, I think we are no longer a nation of freedom, because the rights of some people are being held higher than the rights of other’s. I am applying this to the history and decisions of our nation. To be set free is to recognize what we have overcome. When our focus stays on the circumstances we once lived in, those things that oppressed us, we remain captive. There are facts, which cannot be erased from history – nor should they be. We can destroy all the symbols and memorabilia, but then we deny what shaped us into who we are today. How can we see how far we’ve come, if we don’t acknowledge what we’ve been set free from? This was attempted with Holocaust victims; there are some who denied it ever happened and some who have revised history. Fortunately, this movement has not caught on, but what will happen when there are no more survivors? Not that we should focus on their victimization, but we should celebrate that they overcame! We should also watch that it is not repeated. If we focus on what has happened to hurt, instead of what has happened to free us; then we remain victims instead of victors! As a nation, when we erase the wars we’ve fought and survived, we deny the victory of those who survived. We deny who we’ve become when we destroy the evidence.

Ask a victim of domestic violence who has escaped this torture and has been healed from those memories, if they are victims or victors. I am one of them, yet my attacker claimed to my face that he never hit a woman, even though my bruise was there for several months. What was I, if I am not a woman? He was expunged from any wrongdoing, because he had ‘friends’ in government that were able to get the charges dropped. But that did not lessen the damage he inflicted or his culpability. Thank God, I have not gone back into an abusive situation, but to deny that it ever happened, would be to deny who I have become. When we say that barbarous events never occurred, we invalidate those who have been violated, whether it is an individual or a group of people. They do not cease to exist and they do not forget how they were infringed, but they can move beyond those heinous crimes committed against them.

No, this is not the AMERICA I grew up in. I was taught our history; both the good and the bad. It was taught as an example of what could happen again. If we as a nation don’t hold to the principles of our founding fathers, then we are apt to replay the negative, or to return to the tyranny we escaped. The history I learned did not absolve those who sinned against humanity, it held them accountable. History taught us to not go there again. Wiping out the memories only strengthens the chances that it can repeat itself. Because, when we don’t learn from our mistakes, we are apt to repeat them. It may be a different set of people, who are targeted, or it could even be reversed, but it does not make it right. ‘An eye for an eye,’ never produced any winners.

I was also taught to respect authority. We did not backtalk our teachers or there were consequences at school and worse ones at home! There were disciplinary actions in both places! Now it has become almost heroic to defend every right, every move, every action, no matter how misguided, and these delinquent activities are celebrated in some groups. Everyone wants to debate and have their ‘rights’ even if it means denying the ‘rights’ of others.

When I grew up, mealtimes were started after everyone was seated and quieted, with the whole family at the table. We would say a prayer to bless our food and thank God for His provisions and pray for our leaders! We never left the table until everyone was finished eating, or we had asked to be excused. Our conversation during our meal was about our day, keeping each other informed. We were taught manners for eating with politeness. And we were taught etiquette in addressing our elders; such as saying, “yes sir” and “no sir” or “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am.” We called our friends parents Mr. or Mrs. unless they insisted otherwise. No “games” were played at the table unless they involved the whole family after eating. We didn’t have cell phones or electronic games. The television was not turned on until all the dishes were cleaned and put away. Television could be viewed without concern that children might see something inappropriate; there was no cursing, illicit sex, or the graphic killing of people shown. Much was left to our imagination. Children were able to go outside and play until dark because it was safe, now some are not safe in broad daylight! Most families went to church together every Sunday. Friday nights the whole town went to the football games during the season. Saturday mornings many locals met at the donut shop and discussed the game.

American Flag

Men wore hats and took them off during the National Anthem and everyone put their hand over their hearts and revered the flag. Nobody spoke during this time of honoring our nation, from children, to teens, to adults. It was silent except for the performance of the anthem. People bowed their heads to pray at public events. School was started each morning when the whole class would stand with their right hand placed on their heart to recite: “I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

It was not uncommon for someone to pray in school for a person who had a family member who died or was in the hospital. There were no school shootings or the need for metal detectors to get into the buildings. They weren’t necessary! Most school functions were started with prayer: at sporting events, banquets, award ceremonies and graduation — and yes, it was a public school! No, this is not the America I grew up in! He got that right, I agree! I’ve thought about his question off and on through the years. Although I gave him a short quick response, I decided I had a lot more to say on the subject than my short counter to him. There are far more people who disrespect our nation and its history, whether good or bad. History is what defines us and shapes us into who we are today. It is a timeline of how far we’ve come as a nation. To erase history, is to deny the oppression of any people and their victories. The person who asked the question, was attacking me personally regarding an article I had written that he did not agree with. He stated it was not the America he grew up in and that people were calling him un-American, because he questions authority all the time.

When I thought of what he said, I realized we grew up with very different values! Yes, we are given ‘freedom of speech,’ but much of the mainstream media and politicians, pick and choose who has that ‘freedom of speech.’ and have taken it to an extreme to further their agendas. Where did our honor of country go? What happened to the ‘America’ that I grew up in? You might be surprised to find that the crime rates went up when prayer and the mention of God were taken out of school. You can look up the dates and do a comparative analysis. We accommodate other “religions” that chant and call for our death, we recognize beliefs that are antiChrist, and we protect terrorists. In schools we don’t prohibit other nations’ flags, but are starting to ban our own flag because someone finds it offensive?! Why has the Bible been removed from our places of education and workplaces? Who is defending the rights of Christians? Politicians took God out of America and school; let’s bring Him back! May God Bless America Again before we lose the America we once knew. ~ KMcA ©

Fading American flag